Wednesday, 11 February 2015

From their Point of View

My kids are pretty easy-going, generous and kind but sometimes, just sometimes, they don't feel like sharing. Sometimes they don't feel like playing or joining in. And sometimes, that's just fine with me.

As parents, we have this enormous responsibility for the next generation. Guiding and helping to shape a child's future as well as the way they behave and interact in society is one of those overwhelming concepts like 'how far does the universe go?' You think about the enormity of it and you get a headache. When raising a child there are certain social 'rules' and guides to follow as well as just trying to make sure that they become decent human beings others want to be around.
Often, I feel like we place a little bit too much emphasis on the shaping process and expect things of our children that we would probably never dream of doing ourselves, even as an adult.

Our children are often thrown into new situations where they know no one and haven't a clue why they are even there in the first place. Playgroups, new schools, after school clubs, birthday parties, to name a few. Combined with a little nudge from Mum, "go on, go play" - as if that's going to help - no wonder many children end up in tears or permanently glued to your leg. I don't think I know a single adult who would not be apprehensive about walking into a room full of strangers. Then add the pressure of having to 'mingle' while your boss watches you from the sidelines, it's all a bit overwhelming. Yet we continue to expect our children to socialise as if it was the most natural thing in the world often feeling a little red-faced if we are the only ones with a sobbing 5 year old on our knee who doesn't want to participate.

Another common lesson that I have used a lot myself is the infamous 'sharing is caring'. Ever said that to a grown up (other than to your other half when he's polishing off the last piece of cheesecake)? Would you really be happy for your friend to rummage through your wardrobe trying on your evening dresses and make up as if it's a free for all? Most likely not, unless you are ridiculously laid back. Yet, here we are, expecting our kids to welcome other littles into their territory and be perfectly OK with them testing every toy there is. No wonder there's an occasional wobble or breakdown. It's a perfectly natural response. Yet we insist on correcting this and praising them when they share and hand over all control of their belongings.

Now, I'm not saying we should enable selfish, rude or introverted behaviour.  I am all for encouraging the development of loving, generous, sociable and kind children. I do it all the time with mine to the point where they are finishing off those kinds of phrases for me. But I feel that sometimes it doesn't hurt to take a step back, crouch down and see life from their point of view. Say to them: OK, I understand why this upsets you and I am here to listen.

They look to us for example and approval and surely it is important for them to know that we value their feelings just as much as their good behaviour?
Post Comment Love
SHARE:

8 comments:

  1. Well said!!! I couldn't agree more!! I sometimes think it is hard to be a little one!! x

    ReplyDelete
  2. I completely agree. Childhood is tough!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Great post and I agree with everything you have said. Once you stop and take a step back, thinking about how we would perceive those situations we throw our children into if we were in their shoes, it does make you realise why they find it so hard.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Great post, I totally agree and it's so important that we as parents lead by example - and if we find it hard - then we can understand why they do. We have such a responsibility to guide them in the right direction - it's immense - but we can learn so much from them too and together become better people #pocolo

    ReplyDelete
  5. I'd never thought of the encouraging them to run off and play like that before but it's so true! Thank you for giving me another perspective.

    ReplyDelete
  6. A great post lovely lady. I totally agree with you. Parenting, to me, is guiding and supporting. thank you for linking to #PoCoLo x

    ReplyDelete
  7. I read this post a week or so ago. Not sure why I didn't comment! I loved it and it really made me think. Thank you for sharing your thoughts. Is it ok if I highlight it on my Friday Favourites this month? x

    ReplyDelete
  8. Really fab post Xandi. My eldest is prone to more than the occasional wobble, and we've read a fair few self-help books on dealing with challenging children. Letting them know that their feelings are valid (even though they might conflict with our own) is consistent in all of them. A step back and little bit of self-reflection can go a long way xx

    ReplyDelete

© Lattes and Little Ones | All rights reserved.
Blogger Templates by pipdig